Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile. That was my bad. Life kind of got in the way there for a bit.
Well that’s not true. I let a guy get in the way of me living.
Okay. There was this guy I started talking to maybe beginning about 3-ish years ago. Nothing ever really became of me and him except a random hook up here and there. That’s all. Fast-forward to January 2014, me and him are hanging out doing stuff. He then proceeds to talk about hanging out (like actually hanging out) and all. A week later, I hadn’t heard from him. I call, says number is disconnected. Look on all social media sites, he isn’t there. He freaking blocked me after saying he wanted to do more stuff together.
I was pretty torn up over it cause, like your typical girl after a few hookups, I kinda started falling for the guy. I had already been battling some depression type stuff and that was the nail in the coffin. That’s what kick started my few months of severe depression. Not that I would ever tell him that he was the cause but he really was.
It took me until January 2015 to realize that. I let my happiness depend on him. Or more like him accepting me and wanting me even though he never really did. I was just a piece of ass to him but I was always hopeful that maybe one day that he would see me as more than that. When he shut me out the way he did, which was a dick and coward move on his part, I thought that my life wasn’t worth it cause the guy I wanted didn’t want anything to do with me. But thankfully I realized that my happiness isn’t defined by a guy liking me or wanting to be with me. It’s me being happy with myself and being by myself. If I don’t want to spend time with me why would I expect anyone else to hangout with me? (Yes your typical “I’m worth it and awesome” moment….I know, I’m such a conformist)
Anyway, super fast forward to beginning of November. I was on Tinder doing my usual judging of guys (that’s all it really is no matter what anyone says) and he pops up. I was shocked and swiped right for shiggles. A few minutes later I get a notification that we matched. Again, I was shocked. Even more so when he messaged me. I wanted to scream at him. Be like “You piece of shit. You made my life living hell for a year cause your dumb ass couldn’t just say sorry I’m not into you.” But I refrained. I was very civil. I asked why he did what he did and he gave me his excuse and I was quick to forgive him. Like a dumb ass.
This is where I should’ve proceeded with more caution. I thought maybe the fact he was on Tinder he’s willing to actually try something and he might give me a shot! There when all the hard self motivation crap I’d been working on since January of this year. I was letting him run my life again. I was staying up late hoping he’d call. I do gotta give myself props cause I did make him make most of the effort to talk rather than me make any first moves.
Well during one of those late night conversations he tells me of his ex-girlfriend. (Who am I kidding? He talked about her every freaking time.) How he wants to get back with her and prove that he can change and all that other stuff, (the typical stuff guys say when they realized they fucked up). And I actually got upset. Like I was in tears because I again couldn’t believe he came back into my life to fuck with me again. He was doing all this stuff to move on but he still wanted her.
A couple days passed, I posted some snapchats that were depressing and I could just feel myself getting down again. I then see one he posted of him kissing her cheek and I felt nothing. I wasn’t sad that it wasn’t me. I legit felt nothing. I finally flipped that stupid switch and was able to let him go. (cue Frozen song here).
I feel free and amazing! I don’t know what exactly caused it but I’m so happy it did. It’s the best feeling knowing I’ve made that progress to make it where a guy doesn’t rule my happiness. I’m in charge of it. ME. No one else.
Anyway, so I deleted his number, unmatched him on Tinder, unfollowed him on snapchat, and did everything to get rid of him and not even be tempted to call, text or contact him. I don’t need him or negativity in my life.
Sure yes I’m still single but I’d rather be single and happy with myself rather than pining over a guy that will never want me and just keeps me there for convenience to have someone to talk to when he’s bored.
Thus ends story time!
Ok, so I promise not to go so long without posting again. I really did miss it while I was off being a dumb ass. You never really realize how awesome it is to just write things out even if no one ever reads it. At least it’s still out there and not just pent up in your mind.
Well thanks for anyone that reads this!
Tune in soon (I promise!!) to see what happens next in the story of a girl named Liz.