This past week has sucked.

I know. Great way to start a blog post. But at least I’m being honest up front for what this post is gonna be about. So if you don’t want to read about my ramblings over the past week please feel free to click away now.

Anywho, why has this week sucked? Well it wasn’t really anything that happened, it was just that overall everything was draining and I felt bogged down.

Work was rough. The kids were horrible. I felt like every other minute I was having to tell one to get off the table, stop hitting, don’t climb on that, or don’t sit on your friends. I had to write two of them up because their behavior was just horrible. I had to sit there and remind myself so many times that they are one. It’s ok that they aren’t perfect little angels.

But work wasn’t the overall problem this week. My thoughts were. I could tell that I was letting myself think way to much about anything and everything. Mostly I’m thinking about where I’m at in life. I hate that I’m still living at home. It makes me feel like a piece of shit for being 27 and still living with my mom and dad. All my friends are all living out on their own and supporting themselves. It makes me feel like I’m sucking at life and that I can’t do anything right.

I tried to feel better by going out with an old friend on Friday night. But that didn’t go well. I hadn’t seen him since Christmas Eve 2015 which was when I walked out of his hotel room cause he was being stupid. I thought maybe a year and a half-ish might have changed that. I mean it wasn’t all bad. The dinner portion was fine. He’s a great friend to talk to and hangout with. It was the after that he resorted back to his old ways. And yes it was nice to feel wanted by a guy I guess but the problem is I don’t want him. But that’s a whole different ball of wax. I just wish he would realize that all I want from him is friendship and nothing more. That would make it a lot less complicated I think.

I did get back into walking/running this week which was good. It seriously helped me feel a little better. I just put in my earbuds and played some music and walked some then ran some. I know it’s kinda cliche for me to say that it helps clear my mind but it really does. I don’t think about anything while I’m on the trails but my breathing and when my next walking break is. I forgot how relaxing it is. I know I need to make sure I make this a priority from now on. Especially since I want to do the Cotton Row Run again this year. Hopefully I’ll beat my time last year and even run more of it this year. I think I only ran about 1.5 miles of the 5k last year. That’s a little less that half but still. I’d like to be able to run at least 2.5 of it this year if not all of it.

Overall, you can probably see it wasn’t one thing that made this week a bad week. I’m in a slump. I feel like I know what’s causing it and I hate that again I’m letting something so stupid mess me up. I need to stop letting others dictate my happiness but I’m just not ok with things. I don’t like knowing shit. And right now I feel so far out of the loop that I’m nowhere even near the radar of being in the know of things. But do I bring the subject up and talk about it? No. Instead I’m just gonna let it simmer and bog me down. Cause that’s what I do. My feelings don’t matter. As long as they seem ok with things then that’s all that counts.

I guess I’ll end it there. Sorry for the depressing post but that’s life for me right now. Feels like one big depressing black hole and I don’t know how to get out of it.


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