I’ve been wanting to write a new post for a while now. Problem is I’m not really sure what to write about.

The exercising is going good. I’ve done a workout every day for the past 7 days. The nutrition part is sucking a bit but getting healthy takes baby steps. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Although I’d like it to be a quicker process cause it would be awesome to see some results. Maybe I’d feel like I’m actually doing something if I saw some sort of difference in my body. I know I will one day but I’d really like that day to be today.

As for my mental health, I don’t really know what’s going on with that right now. I think I’m in a rut right now. I’m not bad but I’m not good. Tuesday is my first appointment with my therapist this year and I can’t wait. I need to talk to her about New Year’s. I’m still beating myself up over what I almost let happen.

I know it’s probably stupid and she’s gonna look at me say it’s ok to let it go but I just can’t.

I guess right now what sucks the most is I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. Not about this or anything else I’m feeling. I’m the one people go to with their problems but no one is really there for me. Sure people say they are but when I go to talk, I feel like I’m bothering them and I’m just being a burden. This probably stems from growing up in a family where talking anything out was frowned upon and I was told to just shut up and deal with it.

I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish I could talk to my friends about all my problems. I wish I could forgive for something that was mostly my fault anyway. So many things I wish I could just be normal about.

I need to look on the bright side. I’m in therapy again. I am working to better myself. I’m gaining clarity about what is and isn’t good for me.

2017 is my year of gaining confidence and control of myself. I am in control of my life. No one else.

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